Texas Governor Proposes New State Flag
Senator King sponsored the bill which also makes "Lone Spluge State" the new state motto.
AUSTIN (RR) — Texas Governor Abbott announced new legislation changing the state flag to one more correctly reflect his posture towards the President. The Governor dismisses concerns that he merely rolled over for the President on redistricting: “That wasn’t a one time concession, this is intentional position change that reflects Texas has matured past its rebellious preteen years into the age where we know what every teen girl in Epstein’s orbit knew: what Daddy wants, Daddy gets.” The new flag pays homage to Texas’ defiant roots by co-opting the design of the Gonzales Flag handmade by Texas revolutionaries who refused to surrender their town’s cannon to Mexican forces after General Santa Anna suspended the Constitution and declared himself dictator.
Senate redistricting leaders Phil King (R-Weatherford) and Brandon Creighton (R-Conroe) were selected to co-sponsor the bill as a reward for their time pretending to listen to scores of Texans testifying in committee with outdated pleas such as “honor your oaths,” “no taxation without representation,” and the “rule of law.” However, in keeping with his reputation for integrity, Senator King did insist on also changing the state motto to the “Lone Spluge State” as well. “I felt ‘Lone Star State’ should be modernized to accurately reflect our new posture towards the President in general,” Senator King said, “while also reflecting the current President’s inability to perform from the historical record.”
Sources say that Senator King, being the legal scholar he is, consulted the record and judicial opinion in Carroll II in which the judge said that Mr. Trump committed rape only in the ordinary meaning of the word because the jury merely found that Mr. Trump raped her with his hands. The New York Penal Code requires penile penetration, therefore the judge said Mr. Trump did not raper her under New York law.
Many people say Mr. Trump only digitally raped Mrs. Carroll because he can’t get hard due to his widely reported adderall and cocaine habits combined with old age. One Capitol staffer emerging from a cloak room told us “The President isn’t exactly shooting ropes if you know what I mean” before catching himself and saying “this is on background, right?”
We didn’t consult Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick for this one due to a lack of relevance, but because one of his staff pulled a favor from my Austin days, we’ll include the first sentence of a written statement the submitted by email: “Hemp is dangerous and is killing the children—THE CHILDREN.”
Former Dr. Anthony Fauci’s covid-era colleague and current Texas State Representative Brian Edward Harrison (R-Midlothian) said “What I love about the flag is how it converts the Governor’s perceived disability into a strength. God knows the President will appreciate those wheels steadying him during the extended effort it’ll take. I’m afraid he’s lost a stroke or two even just since our COVID and DEI office partnerships.”
At least one GOP party official cheered the news. Bo French, the chairman of the Tarrant County Republican Party told us “Federalism and states rights are commie speak. American Truth is submit to daddy.”
Attorney General Paxton was unable to be reached for comment due to an voice that was not his wife’s answering his phone. The gender of the person answering has been withheld because we protect those who assume the position—the unelected ones anyway. At press time, Senator Brandon Creighton had still not updated his website to change “Let Texas Run Texas” to a more appropriate phrase. Also, Senator Phil King’s website still has his top issue as “The Role of Government” with it’s dutiful 10th Amendment reference that no doubt endeared him to conservatives.
- @resistancerabbit
Reader note: For the fascists and those otherwise not literary educated, this article is satire. No actual events or quotes are intended to be taken as real, but the links are interesting.
Current Investigative Agenda: Are Texas taxpayers paying for the Maxwell end of the Epstein cover-up? Was there a deal made between the Governor and President? What agency is the man below guarding Madam Maxwell’s work release facility from?
Real Life Republican Web Presences:
Yes , he takes his order’s from two millionaires, not the voters.